Do I feel empty? Endo Rant Part II

(Courtesy of Google Images)

I am absolutely fed up with the insensitive and stupid things people say to me.  

I don't think I can stand back and be silent one more time.  

I have been doing it for too long.  

So that other people don't have to feel bad.  

This week I had to catch up with some friends and I bravely got dressed and made up for dinner.  

Now I get that some people are inquisitive.  I get that there are some strange questions that people are going to ask you.  In fact sometimes I welcome these inquisitive and strange questions after all I feel that it is my responsibility to advocate for this disease.  

What I don't get is how stupid and ignorant some people are. 

I had someone ask me at dinner - and this was the same woman who asked me after my hysterectomy if I was going to get my period again and would I be able to get pregnant - do I feel empty? 

Do I feel empty?

I asked her what she meant?  Physically, emotionally, spiritually?  

Her answer - well you have nothing left inside you, surely you must feel empty like a big black hole?

Then she asked me if all of my other organs were going to fall into the big black hole I now have.  She meant physically!

Do you honestly believe that a woman is that stupid and that ignorant?  Believe me because I am telling you.  

I swallowed and shrugged off this stupid question and I regret it now.  

I shrugged it off because I wanted to cry and scream and throw the chairs at her and everyone in the restaurant.  I felt like there was an angry beast inside of me about to be unleashed.

I felt dangerous.  I felt out of control.  I felt like I was going to lose it.  

I should have put this person in their place.  I should have done it when she foolishly asked me if I would get a period after my hysterectomy.  

I was given another opportunity to enlighten her on the female body and I didn't do anything about it.  

Why?  

I am tired of fighting.  I am tired of fighting other women and their stupid insensitive comments.  

I am tired of other women with endo making stupid insensitive comments.  

I am tired of them telling other women to have a hysterectomy to solve their endo problems especially when they haven't had one themselves.  

I am tired of women with endo telling me that I shouldn't be in pain since I have had a hysterectomy.  

I am tired of wanting these women to stop being so ignorant and do some research.  Even a simple google search will do.  

I am tired of having to justify my pain not only to ignorant non-endo women but to endo women as well.  

A hysterectomy does NOT cure endometriosis.  It does NOT relieve you of endometriosis pain.  Nothing does.  

All a hysterectomy will do is relieve you of having your period.  That is all.  This could be life saving surgery as it was in my case.  But it should be a last resort.  Last last resort.  

For a woman with endo to suggest this to another woman with endo indicates to me that they don't know anything about this disease.  At all.  

It indicates to me that they are ignorant to the fundamental identifying features of this disease - that there is no cure.  

I don't think that women understand the gravity of this predicament.  

This is not an operation that should be off handedly referred to as a solution.  Especially women who clearly know nothing about this silent and mysterious disease.  

This should not have to be explained to another woman - endo or no endo. 

Do you know what I am tired of most?  I am tired of infertile women trying to conceive telling me they understand.  

They don't.  How could they.  They are trying.  They have tried.  

I can NEVER try.  

We don't share the same infertility status.  We won't ever.  There is no common ground.  

Because the difference is - they can try and I will never be able to try.  I can't even entertain trying.  Ever.  

I know that they mean well and are trying their best to offer words of comfort.  But their trying and my never being able to try is not understanding.  

I am tired of people telling me I can and should adopt.  

Have they not considered that I am an intelligent independent woman and would have considered this option already?  Again this is insulting.  

So from now on I am not going to be silent.  

When someone makes a stupid insensitive comment I am going to enlighten them.  

I am sick of them hurting me with their stupidity and ignorance so I am going to empower them with knowledge.  So that they don't do it again - ever.  

When I said I am tired of fighting.  I only meant today.  For these words I have typed are fighting words.  

I am tired today because I am weak.  I am weak from surgery.  I am weak from crying.  I am weak from not sleeping properly.  I am weak from being thrust into surgical menopause.  

I am weak from feeling so melancholy.  

It feels like every time someone makes a stupid insensitive comment part of me crumbles away.  But no more.  

After all I am That Girl With Endo and I am going to empower myself by empowering other women.